WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS

MAKE SOMETHING FRESH BABE!

LAURAS LEMONS BITTER SWEET!

If life gives you lemons most people make lemonade, but not Laura!

When life gives her lemons, instead of using her trolley dolly skills of adding a dash of gin or vodka she goes whampy and yells "I don’t want those damn lemons" and demands to see life’s manager.

Why?

Well it all started when Georgia got a bit carried away by the opportunity to go on a date after being publically pied by Josh. 

The scenario was she could date two boys of her choice; so she chose Sam and new Jack. 

The latter decision instigated an uncomfortable conversation with Laura where G tried to provide a suitable rationale to why she had chosen to take Laura’s man on one of the dates using ‘banter’ as her main reasoning.

And banter they did, which would have been fine, but then came ‘Lipgate’ where it appeared G went in for a second helping which one could only assume was done to send out signals confirming her interest! 

She was planting the seeds or planting as many as she could on him during this small window of opportunity.

Did Jack kiss her back? – Yes

Did Jack look a little uncomfortable and put upon? – Maybe

Did Georgia go in for the kill like Meg and extract Jack from underneath Laura’s very nose?  No

However, where Georgia fell at the first fence was she didn’t appreciate that in this game/social experiment Laura is becoming slightly unhinged! 

In Laura’s head Jack is her man and having already had her previous man Wes abandon ship like a plague of rats having fallen for Megs cleavage, witty repertoire and powers of gravitation, it doesn’t take a lot for Laura to get crabbit (Scottish for angry). 

It has to be said that Laura handled herself pretty well during the desertion on the Island and for her braveheart actions to be awarded with a big f***koff badge supporting the word VICTIM in capital letters.  The very same one she is quick to whip out and wear as and when the need arises. 

All of Laura's insecurities soared to the surface quicker than oil separating from water showcasing her fragile mental state that lurks just beneath the surface and demonstrate also how self-absorbed she really is! - Its all about her!

It has to be said that as this process continues Laura is fast becoming the Scottish version of the hand that rocks the cradle! 

It doesn’t take a lot to make her go into 'victim mode' and adopt the questioning techniques of a female version of Taggart wanting to get down to the nitty gritties with whoever she feels has wronged her.

Her behaviour focuses on staying playing the victim whilst successfully manipulating others to her advantage and so a web of unnecessary and preventable events began;

First there was a conversation with Georgia where Laura tells her that Jack is not the one for her and is not someone she is going to settle for. 

In response G confirms she will speak to Jack to tell him what a liar he is far from pleased to be made out to be the kissing instigator not just the kissed as this has brought into question her loyalty to Laura and we all know how G loves to be loyal! 

During her having it out sess with Jack, Georgia laid it on the line and accused him of kissing her.  His retort was a blinder!  He said she must have been on a different date as G would have known if he had kissed her on the lips!  Ooh say what!  Go Jack - G this boy ain’t no Jackass!

Not getting any joy or her own way Georgia walked away with only ‘babe’ at the end of every ranted sentence being heard.

Jack had stood his ground. 

Dressed as a devil it was then Laura’s turn to be the deliverer of bad news to ths twinkly blue eyed boy!

If being honest....... I love it when people say that as usually they are not being at all honest ..... Laura stated she didn’t see them lasting outside the villa, that he was much younger and reminded him about the purpose of her visit onto the island implying she was just wasting her time on him and so the end was near - Stop singing Frank this is a serious conversation!

Jack was gutted but with good grace said she was a 'top girl' after in a childlike manner Laura said they would still be besties – someone pass me the sick bucket!

The following morning makeup free Laura cleared the air with G telling her she was so over it and that boys are just boys (her observational skills are second to none!) confirming what she wanted was a man! (Think you need to go to Specsavers love as there are no men in that Villa!)  

Laura in her primani plain jane eye wear specials announced she was ready to move on and happy to be back to being friends and having fun with G, labouring on the point that she had been so miserable yesterday not having G around.  The peace talks ended with Laura’s words of wisdom of not wishing to dwell over a boy that she no longer cared about especially as she cared more over G! 

They hugged and made up with Laura still banging on saying that as her focus wasn’t 100% on Jack any more she couldn’t see what the point of holding anything against G re Lipgate - doesnt Laura repeat herself!

And so a happy ending …… on this show?

A text came through later to say that the girls were going out of the Villa for a chat and a Sangria where Samira was the first to bring up the elephant in the pool Sangria in hand and where Laura did the most inventive back track about what she actually meant by saying that Wes deserved better than Meg.

Not being the sharpest knife in the drawer selective hearing Meg spilled out her insecurities and the air was then cleared between the two with a very insincere “love you girls” squeaked out by Laura. 

Then the Scottish worm turned!  She dramatically shared with her beloved girls that she had been forced into pie-ing Jack in order to take control of the situation because she had felt put upon by Georgia!

Victim Alert …. Victim Alert … Victim Alert…..

When the girls all sat down together later to chat the conversation turned very heated especially fuelled by what Laura and Ellie had to contribute.

Danni innocently wished for all cards to be put on the table.  Ever heard of the expression Danni 'Be careful what you wish for as it might come true!' 

Enter Ellie who said “Sorry” which was in word only and very short-lived before she went onto have a rant about G being loyal and how her own loyalty was solely with Laura (who asked her to stick her beaky in in the first place?).  She raged on about how she couldn’t understand how G could have looked Laura in the eye after kissing her man and reiterated more than once that G never had approached Laura to say she was going to kiss him!

It was  like watching the finals at Wimbledon as the coiffured heads went back and forth from Ellie to Laura !

It was the moment - It was her moment!

Victim Alert ….. Victim Alert …. Victim Alert…..

Laura suddenly found her voice brazenly and boldly accusing G that her actions and words were contradicting and that she felt G had expected her to be this f ***ing saint. (Saint Laura - no - cannot see it!).

The stage was hers; Oscar winning performance......

“I have feelings, you hurt me by kissing him, I don’t see why you couldn’t see that - do something and own it!”

Laura was on a victim roll;  Act two scene two....... 

“You are basically just lying by saying your loyal, take responsibility”.  

Such words - such whining - nothing like a scottish accent on a victim! 

Lauras ears then pricked up as she heard the words she had been waiting for in the gaggle of girls “Victim” and went in for the kill;

“I am the f***ing victim! Are you fucking serious?  This is f***ing bullshit!”

Encore encore - the crowd were on their feet - flowers flying everywhere!

Ellie then piped up shouting at G about being hypocritical and decided to be ultra-dramatic by throwing into the ring in front of this captive audience; 

“I will be civil with you, but I don’t want you as a friend!”

G who hardly got a word in edgeways dared to mutter the word 'confused' to be met with a barrage of more crabbit.

“Confused? I’m in this fucking situation - I don’t care that you don’t care about Jack any more - I do – I don’t care if you care about Jack - shut up!  I ended it with him last night because of you!”  

The look of surprise from G wasn’t captured due to her wearing shades although she must have felt as though she had dreamt everything that morning.  As if by telepathy Laura stated she just wanted f***ing peace that morning!

No G your not going mad - but she is! or is it just being very manipulative?  ummm will consider that over a cuppa and a hobknob later!

Not to be outdone Ellie the poison dwarf just to make the sit – u - ation  clear told G;

“I think your fucking hypocritical and I don’t want you as a friend!”

Boo hoo Ellie Newsflash Geordie chick I’m sure G is really bothered – face bothered!

Laura then had the cheek to advise everyone sat there to be friends and help each other, but not to ask too much of her – (victims are pathetic!)

Keep Watching!.........