No longer is it necessary to question if the colour of his hair is natural or quiz the relationship his smooth forehead may have with Botox.
If you want to determine a man's age, just have a sneaky peek at his beltline! It appears that trousers are a good indication to how old he is so get the tape measure to the ready as we go on a waisted journey!
Life has many ups and downs and so it appears does a man’s waistband! I am sure we all agree men’s trousers should be worn on the "natural waist", being the narrowest part
of the body between the chest and hips.
However, it’s not only a man's body shape that determines where he views his "waist" to be, but there are some noticeable age phases
to how trousers are worn by chaps starting when they are little.
This is probably one of the only times where they are dressed and their choice and fit of
trousers is by Mum and closely monitored by her in every corner of the world. And let’s face it if you were anything like me, how many times did you pull them up or down a tad to avoid that nerdy high waisted look?
This is a period where the trouser can be observed to be worn correctly around a natural waist right up until the 'teenage years'.
Males rooted to the gym and conscious about their health are usually hyper-aware of the natural waist, no matter what age (it is so evident who they are!) but with a rise in obesity, it appears overweight men at any age just do not know whether to wear
their trousers above or below their stomachs. A pantaloon predicament!
But it should be noted and recorded for future generations that for trousers to be situated high above
one’s waist looks nothing but odd and its message is twofold; 1) there is absolutely no fashion statement attached and 2) age has finally taken its toll resulting in this easy and comfortable option (although in reality how comfortable does it look?
– at times the strain on the fabric could indicate there are bigger problems taking place inside (strained balls) than 'the look'!)
At a certain more juvenile
junction of the male life journey during the ‘Kevin’ chapter, the average youthful blokes waistband takes a serious plunge (seditious or sloth like? - you decide!) and jeans or tracksuit bottoms begin to plummet way below the hips with the crotch
taking on a new position dangling somewhere around the knees. Lets not forget what comes with this stage/age/phase; several inches of underpants left on show which make you feel the urge to yank them up (or is that just me?) and it isnt long before the
sight of pants, designer or otherwise becomes an irritant and bore to have come into the eyeline. (OK, admittedly I am small in stature!).
As these teenage
years are left behind the waistband does slowly begin to creep up an inch or two especially on having to become more serious and sensible. This is the era where males are forced to enter the land of grown up’s and given their passport to travel
and explore the dreaded workplace with rules and regulations or god forbid uniform requirements! Once again the waistband is located where it should be around the waist - Hooray!
But just before life begins at 40 it’s on the move again and this time rising and by 45 its destination has reached at least two inches above where it was before (naughty waistband!).
There it remains static until the big 50 is reached and then as if in celebration it continues its journey upward increasing to a massive peak of five inches.
By 57 the waistband is at its ultimate height situated seven inches below the armpits (this statement requires a moment to stop and visualise what this means or perhaps locate the tape measure and confirm
how many inches below the armpits your partners trousers currently sit).
Typically, around this time a man’s body fat has noticeably increased
around his midriff which has drifted outwards by as much as 30 percent, a bit like carrying a small child at all times in a bum bag but just higher!
of muscle and loss of bone density is next in the trouser timeline resulting in their figure being remoulded into something resembling Mr Blobby and thus encouraging the waistband to remain uplifted.
As the years continue to creep by, whilst the waistband gets higher, up to three inches can be lost in overall height for a man meaning that the majority of trousers will end up naturally dragging on the floor
unless they are pulled up or new ones are invested in.
Then as pensionable age approaches, men's waists start to shrink, allowing them to naturally lower
the height of their trousers as the gut vanishes around the same time as their bottoms (not that many men have proper bottoms to begin with) along with the hips and rest of their body definition (saggy and baggy).
20% of older men will ignore their changing body shape. and not take it into consideration when wearing their favourite pair of farahs! Where it comes to
their trousers Men are like sheep simply following what their friends and acquaintances are doing and as most detest shopping they just make do with whatever slacks, bellbottoms, cords or britches bestow their wardrobes or decide to invest in a pair
of braces to keep their waistbands at dizzy heights!
The hardest task in this trouser dilemma appears in actually persuading blokes to confront that their waistbands
have indeed risen like a twice baked souffle over the years, rather than their natural conclusion being their trousers no longer fit because their legs have suddenly grown (Every dude is secretly a secret Walter Mitty!).
In their denial to their changing body shape or getting old before they know it their belt is located somewhere around the Superman logo height as they settle back comfortably into their nipple-high pants
oblivious of this absurd look.
To conclude in my findings the older men get, the higher their trousers get!
The question should be would we want it any other way? I dont know about you, but the thought of old men walking around with their big baggy and sometimes not very
savoury looking pants hanging out is not a pleasant one!
Happy High Waists! An ageing trend!