Oh Ryan Mark what was happening in Week 5 - it seems that you have been spending far too long with riff raff, as at times you appeared to forget your airs and graces and it became all very Carry on Up the Cambridge with a few moments that were far from professional!


One would have thought that with such a wealth of knowledge and his exposure to so many life events making him confident he has what it takes to become Lord Sugars next business partner that this task would be right up Ryan Mark's cul de sac!  Oh Matron!

Would he be PM?  Should he be PM?  The only other potential PM was Jemelin and it was bleeding obvious from her lack of knowing anything about anything that she wasnt right. If chosen, the odds were high from the off that the outcome wasnt looking bright.

Ryan Mark did give a half-hearted speech using his one and only visit to Oxford on a school trip to be taken into consideration before voting for Jemelin and so she became PM - might as well reserve that seat in the boardroom!


The task was to identify a list of words whilst taking on board any specified requirements, then locate where they would be sold, purchase them by gaining as much of a discounted price as possible - simples!  Any items not found would receive a penalty, so it was all to play for!


One of the items needed was a book from the Alice in Wonderland collection with its specification being pre-WW2.  When Pamela asked if anyone knew the dates WW2 started (why didnt she know?) surely with his accomplished studies in history taken only a few years beforehand and given the importance of such an event, it was an excellent opportunity for Ryan Mark to speak up.  Normally speaking up is something he doesnt have a problem doing!  But instead he sat looking uncomfortable choosing not to say a peep! 

Whilst Riyonn led the team down the wrong garden path saying that a mortar board was something to do with a plasterer, again this was an opportunity for Ryan Mark to intervene and yet considering Oxford and Cambridge were the locations for this task and only a pea of a brain would be able to see the relevance  - once again nothing!  Not even a pea brain Ryan - shame on you!

No surprise he went along with the rye bread theory for Toad and had no idea what a Quant was?  Mirror anyone?

But once in Cambridge running around like a headless chicken, it was egg citing times as he paid £2.75 for the eggs (twice the price of Team Unison), and a bushel of apples was acquired for £45.00.  Onto the town centre where he looked for inspiration not having a scooby where he was even though there was map in his hand throughout. “What street are we on? Do you know where we are?” Look at the map!

In the company of two other gormless souls, Carina suggests a visit to the Library where they approach someone wearing a lanyard whose name was Ms you can ask but I won’t have the answer to any of your questions – perhaps Lottie had paid her off in advance?  The Librarian code similar to the Freemasons cannot be broken! 

Do you know what a rigger jigger is? No. Do you know what a quant is. No.  Do you know what Toad is? We think it’s a local bread. No, not heard of it. 

Having taken the librarian oath, there was no cracking this normally informative individual.  We really appreciate your time said Ryan Mark.  Really? Did you?  Even though you wanted to say we really appreciated you wasting our time! 

Critical over Jemelin’s leadership style and having to look to others Ryan Mark stated it was a bad quality to have!  Glass houses and throwing stones come to mind as he handled the next situation very badly!  Making a phone call in his quest to discover what a quant is – Mirror anyone? He was advised it is a punting pole – What is a punting Pole – OMG Ryan Mark - are you for real - someone pinch him! Did you share the cupboard under the stairs with Harry Potter?  Another phone call is made to establish what a punting pole is, and the penny finally drops.  We must away to the river he instructs his colleagues in a theatrical manner and off they go only to be seen to be doing a u turn back having no sense of direction.  Now whose Mr U Turn Mr Parsons? 


Back to the river and he has a ‘Oh Matron’ moment as his opening gambit to a nearby punter is “I love your pole”.  He is becoming the duke of double entendre's - what with this and last weeks flashing balls - viewers all across the country are wafting themselves with the latest copy of the radio times!

Dramatically Ryan tells the punter they have been looking everywhere which is a complete lie as they had just arrived.  The punter explains that for a new Quant it would cost £200 but because he has been using it for a couple of years, he could let them have it for £140.  The barter goes back and forth, up and down until it stops at £125.00 with Ryan Mark offering to take the pole away straight away – well he was hardly going to post it to you Ryan Mark! 

Still resembling a trio of Forest Gump's, they continue to run around having spent 5 hours of their day doing diddly squat!  This time they are running through Cambridge with a massive pole – Stop messing about!

The task is coming to an end as the clock is near to striking 5pm and everyone must now get to the agreed meeting points on time.  If they are late, they will incur a penalty. 

Come on Ryan Mark take that coat off and run like a little piggy. 

On arrival he is sweating profusely – sweating like a pig and needs to be fanned down!  Not a copy of radio times to be seen for miles!

Time to lay off the Ferrero Rocher and curb the glasses of cab sav love!  

Will he still be sweating over the next task?   Watch this space........






In Week 4 Ryan Mark apart from his now familiar air of confidence, this debonair chap brought to the party another set of pleasing and relevant skills demonstrating age is purely a number as he made his (Ryan) Mark on the task in a positive way. 

Apart from the obvious distraction of looking like a diluted version of Michael McIntyre and the anticipation that at any point in the process he may break out into some serious skipping and start waving his arms around, Ryan Mark Parsons is definitely showing one thing many of his opponents are not and thats ‘consistency’! 

When Iasha put herself forward for PM, Ryan was the one who encouraged the team to work collaboratively in agreeing, acting as the spokesperson, making statements whilst opening the floor to gather other views. 

He worked well with Lewis and Jemelin in the Accessory Team where his good manners and common courtesy (all natural) and the way he acknowledged people and spoke to them was nice to see along with the relevant comments he made.  His excitement although previously agreed before choosing the right accessory became genuine along with the humour he showed especially when he first casted his eyes on the set of flashing bike balls.  He put forward his opinion to sell the helmet which was the safer sell and did well on sales.

Later in the task, even though frustrated by the incorrect customer profiling, Ryan Mark kept vocal but in a constructive way and when it became clear to him that Iasha’s blue sky thinking was like a bicycle frame without the wheels, he then concentrated on just contributing in the best way he could and sold, sold, sold accessories playing a key part in helping Team N/Empower win this bicycle task!  He wore a number of different hats during this task and was definitely the one to keep focus, summarise when necessary and keep the process moving – it will be interesting when the time comes for him to be PM and when the spotlight puts him centre stage to see if all these attributes remain? 

Only criticism sweetie – ditch the socks – Not a good look at any time of the day!

Watch this space ….


The Storyteller ......


A villian with a chilling laugh....



Well in Week 3 Ryan Mark showed another side of him - the story teller - his creative juices flowed given 'Slime Kingdom' as the basis to build a storyboard and tell a tale to grab the imagination of 6-8 year olds.  It was just regretful the product designed didnt meet the expectation set and 'Once upon a slime' became blurred!

I loved the actor in Ryan Mark and howled with laughter when Lord Sugar likened him to Alan Carr! - pure comedy in a task that didnt bring much laughter - children’s or otherwise! 

Ryan Mark, for a confident individual and competent speaker able to summarise and articulate his feelings, why were you not more dogmatic where it came to wishy washy unicorns, taking on board you were quick to identify the similarities to My Little Pony - before this came to fruition you could have been more evil than the villain and ensured that the design team were more focused on what the product was all about - Slime!

You worked well in your team and took control by contributing creativity which without you the sub team of N/Empower would have struggled - Lewis was unfocused and sulking and Jemelin although a slime spotter lacked imagination!  

In Week 4 you need to go from villain to hero and show the viewer that age is just a number!

Watch this space.....


Dont freeze out your teammates!


is not found in a yoghut penis!


“I would have been the better Sub Team Leader purely because on a daily basis  I deal with some of the highest network clients from all around the world and I am a great public speaker - multi award winning and I feel that is exactly what you need when you go into a negogaitation task like this!”

Multi award winning! – What was Keena thinking?

Even though Ryan Mark could have handled things better & perhaps not come over as a petulant child when not given the opportunity to even be considered for Sub Team Leader - he did have a valid point right from the off! 

It was a complete oversight for Keena not to even ask who would like to take on the role given the consequences of getting it wrong!  Unfortunately by choosing Dean based on such little understanding of a person who turned out to be happy to throw Keena under the ice cream van perhaps Keena will not be so quick to allocate such an important responsiblity so quickly in the future!

The viewer could see that having put his ice creams in one freezer Keena was keen to prove he could do it and any business trait apart from concentrating on the price melted.

To have avoided being labelled as difficult or someone who sulks when not getting what they want, Ryan Mark suspecting Dean wasnt up for the job could have outshined him by being helpful and pointing out his poor decisions in a more positive way!  Its all about working collaboratively RM!

Ryan Mark is more than able to articulate his views and on reflection most of what he said was relevant and I liked the fact he could and would challenge.  However, he just needs to not alienate himself from others or the process by coming across as a 'negative nora' when things dont go his way.  There is still no 'I' in team so remember RM its teamwork that makes the dream work or it becomes a frozen penis nightmare!

I too would have been mightly pissed off with Dean and his unprofessional flakiness throughout the task - but even though its a destination to get to at the end of 12 weeks, RM every part of the journey is just as important - Even if its not first class all the way sweetie! 

Maybe he needs to swap his pashmeena in for a scarf for week 3? 

Watch this space......



Week 1 -


South Africa!


“I have such extensive tastes, a million is not enough I need billions for the lifestyle I need”.  Newsflash Ryan the Sugarman is only parting with 250k - suggest you do some motivational speaking to make up the difference you designer shop diva!

On first acknowledging Ryan, Sir Alan seems confused to why he refers to himself as a 'Pig in Business'.  Do not attempt to justify yourself RM!  Cant you see, he is setting you up for a Boom Boom joke!  Suspecting Ryan would have a sensible thought out reason Sir A overtalks commenting  of his uncertainty of working with a pig covered in its business  - Boom Boom!  You have a lot to learn cabbage boy!  This was not your moment!

After finding himself placed onto the Tour Team responsible for getting a good price,  creating a great experience and be gemmed up enough with interesting facts for their safari tour to wow their customers it was time for us to see if this little piggy was hot to trot!

Not sure Ryan found the old much loved south african tradition of popping springbok poo in your mouth and seeing how far you can spit it - a good game! 

As much as from first impressions Alan Sugar didnt go and get his chequebook out - I do think that Ryan Mark came across better than I thought he would - albeit not sure bottle green is really his colour or that he worked that polo shirt well!

However, he made some good contributions along the way and wasnt frightened to take charge and get expectations back on track in a forceful yet professional manner.  Overall he seemed more mature in his approach to the task than alot of his fellow team mates.

I think he has potential and alot to bring to this Apprentice 12 week party but should consider toning down his at times cavalier cavair and silk attitude!

Watch this space....



Pigging fabulous or groundhog day arriving early?

Ryan Mark Parsons


Describing himself as a pig in business, swill this confident 19 year bring back the bacon and cash in on Sir Alan Sugars prize of 250k in this year run of The Apprentice? 

Already describing himself as ‘The Luxury Connoisseur who lives for opulence, embraces hedonism and is a ferocious entrepreneur on his website and this is before his business has even been launched!

Oh to have such self-belief – clearly over indulged and assured - is this someone rather fabulous and out there who will enrich all of our existences?  

Yet first impressions from his audition tape show it’s not in an absolutely fabulous sort of way!  Not convinced he is going to be a people porchine with his overdramatic 'look at me' behaviour! 

Regrettably from watching his debut performance, it doesn’t result in a smile, just a loud sigh confirming once again the viewers will have to endure another example of the social media generation preaching the bleeding obvious in their claim for fame and wealth!  Bet this little potential business pig has a very large instaham!

Is this someone who is a serious contender or perhaps in his case just another stylish egoistic and self-centered person looking to expand his captive audience via another route, as social media just hasnt quite cut the mustard!  Has he identified this as the perfect opportunity to feed his ego and line his pockets by telling people with far too much money and very litte time what to wear, where to go to eat, where to holiday or what suits them or is all just a load of hogwash?

For someone who reached adulthood only 1 year ago, his CV is already looking pretty impressive until you begin to drill down; - starting with his time on The Apprentice – is this employment?  Does this count as employment or do prospective readers look out for entries justifying the timeline within an individuals life? 

With 3 months here and 6 months there, its surprising Sir Sugars recruitment minions have let him in! …. His website was only started one month before appearing on the show which purely bigged him up and announced the official company launch teasingly coming soon.(This was no doubt dependent on how much PR & exposure he got from the programme).

7 months working in Gucci, 1 year 11 months in Harrods both described as high-profile internships and professional roles. 6 months in Aspinall and 7 months in Whittards.  Now I am no Carol Vorderman, but I do believe that little lot adds up to 3 years and 6 months which depending on when his birthday falls makes him potentially 15 when commencing the dizzy heights of this high-end career in retail.

At 18 he managed to squeeze in another amazing accolade and was granted a Fellowship of Royal Society of Arts.  This is detailed on his website in the third person confirming it is the same award given to Stephen Hawking, Charles Dickens and Nelson Mandela, (just in case we werent wowed enough!) for his contributions made to speaking and his subsequent visions on the power of speech leaving the reader quite speechless!

 It is quite sweet to see he has uploaded onto his linked in profile various proof of his exciting times for everyone to share, including an invitation with his name on it whilst at Harrods to attend an event in 2018 and his Health and Safety certificate (sweet - feel comfortable in the knowledge he is on hand to give CPR - in between talking about himself!), not to mention his 'Do the Right Thing' certificate – but has he done the right thing by exposing his talents or lack of them on this popular TV Show?

It will be interesting to see if age really is irrelevant when it comes to business or will it just prove very publically that even though he describes himself as “a 60-year-old trapped in a teenager’s body – a bit like a piece of fruit that appears ripe, when you look a bit closer its actually as green as cabbage!

 So, let the games begin and this award winning speaker who resembles a handbag take centre stage!