WEEK 9 Au revoir when it comes to the crunch ...











Thomas aka the geezer once again demonstrated a different sales technique and approach in order to seal the deal at a reasonable price making him once again seem edgy and different, standing out for being a bit daring! 

And yet Lottie appeared ungrateful and angry to his blue sky thinking!  In her opinion delivered in the style of Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham transforming from previously being Veruca Salt last week that gambling should never happen in business!    Says who? Only the someone who is no one but thinks she is someone who has no idea about business!

However, in all honesty this is probably the only thing that made him stand out during this task!  

Selling played its part, it was also about identifying items to then find, negotiate a good price and ensure that everything was done in a timely manner - the winning team would be the ones who found the most and made the most money!

Unfortunately, there were also a few priceless moments of pure stupid also demonstrated by Thomas:

After collecting fresh eggs, he comments; -

“How comes their white, but in the supermarket their brown” 

It can only be concluded he also still believe in the tooth fairy and Santa and just doesnt get out much!

When asked for understanding on pre-WW2 as specified for Alice in Wonderland book

"Looking for an old one"

Great answer - Bleeding obvious but will his fabulous powers of deduction make him a winner?

Watch this space….






Not a very good Spokes Person!


By the Skinner of Thomas's teeth, he once again avoided getting the finger! 

But what happened Thomas in Week 4? 

Where did the diamond geezer go when he let the shrinking violet into the boardroom where Marianne publicly put him down making it look as though through the tightness of the lycra a certain part of his anatomy had ended up on the back of her non electrical bike!

There were some really poor decisions made as soon as he became PM; a majority vote with the main contender being Lottie, even though Lottie had some valid reasons for leading this task.  Instead of getting her on side and making her Sub Team Leader and allowing her to put her money where her mouth is, Thomas chose Marianne who seems to be on the warpath with Lottie and this did nothing towards them being able to work productively as a team and he let them be on the same team in the knowledge that all was not well.

Thomas then put Riyonn, Marianne and Lottie in charge of the design team - he may as well just popped down the rub a dub for some pie, mash and jellied eels as this was a major oversight as if the product is wrong then everything else will go wrong and it did!

The colour and rocket logo were the downfall of the design - who wants to buy a burnt orange bike combined with red wheels and a white rocket logo on the front?  Nothing about the finished product said classic, stylish, classy or an item aimed at the mature market who wanted to get fit - instead it sent mixed messages from childlike to devilish and the name just added to the series of woes.  E Fit - E =Electric Fit = Getting Fit.  It sounded like a cigarette but was marginally better than Bounda ree suggested by Marianne which was completely pants.

The design team either didnt listen or one suspects as Marianne was made Sub Team Leader and is probably the most far removed in reality from cockney slang and the dialect of Thomas doesnt actual understand what he is talking about half the time neither appreciates what the nuts means - perhaps you need to translate Thomas which may help iron out any communication issues!

On choosing the accessory to sell at the launch Thomas's focus was purely the wholesale price which swayed him in picking the snazzy lycra which he then modelled on the day of the launch which wouldn’t have helped sales!

And on it goes layer after layer of errors and bad judgements or personal decisions that were the wrong decisions.

Then to top it off Thomas didn’t stand up for himself when accused of it being The Thomas Show - instead he was on meltdown fearful that his nuts were about to be cracked - his body language was telling with all the nose twitching that went on.

It will take more than those baby blues to save you the next time Thomas - you need to smash the next task and demonstrate that you are more than a one trip pillow salesman!

Watch this space ....



Youve got a Friend!


Nothing to shell a brate!


Thomas Thomas Thomas! - so many Thomas's in this episode - Turtle, Human, Turtle, Human - it was as though the two merged into one for this toy task!  I was half expecting Tommy the Turtle to have straplines like "youre the nuts" or "we're gonna smash it mate!" 

But Thomas when you talked you were only repeating what you already knew; if you listened you may have learnt something new!

Come on think about it who in the 6-8 age group in this world of technology wants to have a big plastic bright green turtle strapped to their wrist to provide them with limited motivational quotes?  If someone had given that to you would you have thought BFF or WTF?

Children between 6-8 like collecting cards, playing with superhero characters or being superheros, things that make strange noises or can be programmed to do something different and speculatular to impress their friends and drive their parents crackers - Thomas the Turtle did nothing and once the velcro wore out this repetitive reptile would become redundant!

For this task the passion Thomas showed was real and his determination to make it work was admirable, but it was like flogging a dead horse as the product was simply not right! 

Making a lucky escape from the boardroom he has survived for another week - perhaps Week 4 will be his week and he can come out from under that shell and show us unlike Thomas the Turtle he is here to stay!

Watch this space........


WEEK 2 - Loadsalolly?


Ewe can do better!


Apart from snacking on all the ingredients whilst Keena was sweating over a calculator, Thomas did shine in this weeks ice lolly task.

Likeminded with Keena over price - there are lessons to be learnt Tom that sometimes you shouldnt just go along with someone when their focus loses focus as its all about eyes on the prize!  And when the quality of the item is in question you could have stood back and been a bit more rounded in your decision making. 

Its not possible to make cheap look good.  Example when Poundland did a snide Gucci lookalike trainer - hello! How many people have you seen wearing them?

And nothing could demonstrate this principle more than the cheap pink phallic milky excuse for an ice lolly produced for a mere 15p allowing the most huge mark up (if it had worked - but it didnt!)  What can you really produce for 15p that screams the promised really really luxury?

The brief was to sell but the key word relating to the client was bespoke - the client had a beauty company - was there anything slightly beautiful about the ice lolly produced?

Everyone likes to make a profit but there has to be a reality check and a big voice and big personality could have made a big difference in a more positive and entrepreneural way! 

That said you did make a difference when it came to selling with your cheeky chappie larger than life, in your face, give us a fiver sort of approach.  

The great british public and any unsuspecting tourists like people who get straight to the point - tell them what it is - whats it going to cost along with a bit of friendly chat and in this task you demonstrated the ability to do this!

It would be ice to think you werent just a one trip sales man - well lets see what Week 3 brings!

Watch this space .......


WEEK 1 - Can do better!

Never knowingly Unsold

“How can we lose? if we do lose, I will eat my hat"

WEEK 1 - Still Waiting......


“We aren’t a bunch of idiots, are we?”

Umm ... thats questionable!

In week 1 you would think Thomas would want to prove he can put the money where his mouth is re: selling!

Giving the impression of being a former market trader mixed with a London Cabbie in a former life, Thomas Skinner in the immortal words of Chas n Dave has more rabbit than Sainsburys - so what happened?

In response to the sales task of selling 16 tickets to the public for a bespoke tour Thomas was all fired up - “Have no problem selling whatso ever - gonna smash it and still have time to have a nice bit of dinner!”. 

Umm... didnt actually happen did it Thomas and the only thing you ended up eating were your words!

The way to get people buying is to sell an experience - something different - something out of the ordinary - like.... when going on safari in a gigantic game reserve tell the punters that they are going to see the big 5!  It works every time and they cant wait to part with their hard earned cash and get the cameras to the ready!  This is a trip of a lifetime!

However, sales not going too well, if I were you Thomas just stick to negogiating a cushty discount with the woman in the souvenir shop who looks like she sold her sense of humour in 1976!

But remember even though when you talk it sounds as though you have swallowed a loud hailer - there is no need to shout - even though she is not a happy South African Springbok - she is not deaf!

Your remark to get everyone back onto the coach with the underlying message you would not even let them have a wander buying crap they didnt need or be given the opportunity to take home loved ones keyrings that end up in the next car boot didnt bother serious shop keeper woman who was prepared to have a stare out!  She has eaten men like you for breakfast, tea and dinner and perhaps in your case with a little over for the next day!

Come on Thomas - show us your special selling powers - amaze us with the rapport building you boast of and make us see that there is more to this wide boy/del boy turn Director of pillow company!

Will week 2 be your week or will you still be chewing on the remains of that hat?

Watch this space........


Is this immortal curl ready for ........



This time next year Alan we’ll be millionaires! Like a cross between Danny Dyer and Rob Beckett meet Thomas Skinner who is a larger than life in your face type of fella!  But is he a diamond geezer and potential chicken dinner?  Or just Barney Rubble and a bit of a plonker?

Director of The Fluffy Pillow company for the past 10 months, (great name – one can only imagine the brainstorming that took place!) his websites enticing statement to get the reader in the mood to purchase is: That feeling when you've slept like a baby, there's nothing quite like it! Just know that whenever you get a great night’s sleep, we're the ones up all night working out how we can make it even better.

 Not bad!  However, with a voice like a cockney auctioneer he would not be someone you would want to share a room with as I don’t suspect quiet is within his remit!

His Linkedin profile has 7 endorsements for skills including pillows for which I cant imagine the criteria or skills required? - what does it mean? – he is a pillow?, perhaps in the world of bedding he is the pillow whisperer?  Who knows?  Where it comes to recommendations – his old China Lewis – another candidate from The Apprentice who has known him for a nano period time starts his tribute to Tom which the cockney rhyming slang for his name offers a choice of Tomfoolery for jewellery or Tomtit for …. I forget that one, as ‘He’s the nuts’ – very classy!  He also states hes a top bloke!  But why wouldn’t he be – we can all see that with our very own mince pies!

So has this bloke whose constant cackle often indicating he is the life and soul of any party showing confidence and boldness what Sir A is maybe looking for?  It is a laugh that resembles a diluted version of Sid James combined with that of a dying hyena which seems to happen a lot in between his brash contributions to life happenings and any pearls of wisdom this weeping willow sales man wants to share!

No time to sooty and sweep on your Apprentice journey Thomas – you need to be on your Seb Coes and ensure that you leave your Uncle Ned bright and early every day and be ahead of the game!

Will the result be lovely jubbly or just go terribly Pete Tong?

Watch this space…….


Sold on Thomas?

Dean or just a Big Charlie?

 “Delivery time? What delivery time? Yeah, Dean went in the morning, in the morning, sometime in the morning, there’s lots of slot of mornings you know what I mean!  The geezer don’t know what he is doing!

Well said Thomas – What a Willy Wonker!