There are certain things that can occur in the kitchen which are both annoying and tedious creating unnecessary amounts of huffing and puffing if not the odd diva fit! Yes,
I admit to it- when the occasion arises, I can turn into an uncanny female version of Gordon Ramsey including the swearing whilst excluding the very lined forehead!
example, when you crack an egg thinking you have done a grand job only to discover bits of eggshell floating around uninvited. Do you ignore it and hope it’s not you who experiences that horrible off putting crunch when tucking into your Burford
Brown’s or do you take on the challenge in choosing the most suitable utensil to try and start fishing out those annoying pieces of shell that went AWOL and decided to break away on route to an otherwise promising breakfast?
Whilst on the subject of eggs, another no-go resulting in a range of expletives being used in the kitchen is when peeling hard boiled eggs - a bit too soon, at that point when they are still too
hot to handle! Why do we do it? We can feel the heat pumping from the shell, see the steam rise once we have made that initial crack letting us commence and yet we continue yelping, moving the hot egg from hand to hand cursing determined to see
it though regardless of the pain!
Chopping a swede is another example of annoying as this challenging vegetable seems to take the strength of 6 people to cut into and
all good attentions of getting all pieces the same size is quickly abandoned once the sweat begins to shine! In fact chopping vegetables, any vegetables can be a hazardous task and certainly not a relaxing past time.
But the one thing I hate more than anything in my kitchen is that roll of thin clear stretchy plastic kept in the drawer next to that gorgeous roll of tin foil. Tin foil is my friend. Clingfilm is my
enemy! Oh, how I hate you Clingfilm!
How many times have I reached out for you? How many times have I ignored those messages of doubt sent from my brain to
my hand as I open the drawer to pull out the plastic! We all know about clingfilm and how malevolent it can be! It is the evil of all evil and invented by a man, in fact men! Yes Jacques Brandenberger who invented cellophane in 1911, however
this was never used to wrap or seal food, oh no this bright idea has to be credited to a Mr Ralph Wiley.
But I persevere, not one to be easily defeated! With clingfilm in hand, I observe the little teeth placed strategically meant to serve and cut through this clear plastic at the right time allowing the right amount to be achieved.
I commence with positive vibes. I am in control and yet I am never sure at what point it all goes horribly wrong? At what point when the width of the plastic begins to disappear, and I am left with a single line of twisted plastic and a roll where
I cannot locate where it ended or where it begins again! No matter how much I pick and unravel I never can quite get back to the start!
I end up swearing and throwing this roll of plastic back into the confines of the drawer with bits of random clingfilm stuck to my fingers. Damn you! We all know how it sticks to everything, except what you want it to stick to!
Sometimes it will stick so spitefully to itself that you have no alternative but to scrunch whatever you have manged to get into a tight ball and toss it in the bin, in the hope you can start with a fresh sheet which then sticks to itself and once again ends
up in the bin.
It is a thankless task and an activity which can be repeated and can continue right through to the end of the roll for which there is only
one conclusion - what is the point of clingfilm? Is there more than just a great deal of scrunching and bad-temperedness?
Returning it once again into the
drawer of darkness right at the back with the random unused items; the Santa cheese knife, the pizza cutter in the shape of a taxi! Never to wind me up again – in fact lets just call it a day - destination bin, goodbye clingfilm and hello sanity!
But even though clingfilm has got itself a bad (w)rap thanks to the frustration it causes there is a way forward!
There is a way back from this clingfilm catastrophe, there is a solution to becoming tangled in this sticky wrap to deal effectively with this sticky tricky customer - by freezing it! Forget the drawer, the cupboard,
the plastic holder on the wall, get this slippery little sucker and stick in with the ice cubes giving it once again top drawer status but this time, it is powerless!
control returns as the cold temperature alters the molecular structure of the plastic, which then removes the static and ‘stickiness’ which allows you wrap whatever you need without any fuss, any bother and any potty mouth.
But be warned, alas the change is temporary and as soon as the plastic warms back up it reverts back to its usual sticky self, so my advice people is be nimble, be quick before this stuff begins
to stick – make it a wrap and walk away with your head held high in the knowledge you have beaten the clingfilm – it is another success, another kitchen battle won and finally a happy ending - thats clear!